Redemption Song.

Hi again.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I've been talking this same ol' bullshit for months now, but a lot has changed in my life.

Have you ever been beaten down? So low that there was no foreseeable end? Been there, lived through it. Just when you think you see the light at the end of the tunnel, you find out it's really just a freight train gunning right for you. I was lower than dirt, mon amies. And what pulled me through was the thought that, now, there's no where left to go but up :)

Lemon juice to lemonade. Yeah, there's that trademark optimism. There's what I'm known for.

You see, as an entertainer, a social butterfly, you're not supposed to have real problems. You're supposed to listen to everyone else's and keep the wine flowing. You're supposed to keep the jokes coming and the police at bay.

In my time of need the one that was there the most was a guy I'd met 3 weeks prior. He just wanted to hit the skins, but you can't blame him I guess. I am pretty hot, and I've never known vulnerability to turn a man off.

Box on top of box on top of box.

My life is shelved about 8 feet high by 6 feet wide in the center of my living room (well, off-center. TV's still set up) I've been living like this for over a month now, trying to figure out where I'm going to go.

My plan, dearests, simply involved the flip of a coin.
I gave a friend the chance to seal my fate: a nickel. Heads I stay stateside, tails I hightail it overseas. It was heads.

Secretly I was grateful for this; my main fear about going overseas was not being able to come back. All that aside, I've finally chosen my home. If all goes according to plan, I should be there within 7 months (provided I survive the next round of layoffs. Been cutting back where I can, but Chipotle is just too good)

What's more, I'm going back to school :)

Took damn near a decade, but I finally figured out what I want to do. Met with a counselor this afternoon to determine course requirements. I'm giving this 100% because what I'm going for will require nothing less, and as a show of dedication (to myself), after 4 years, I've closed down all of my web stores. Leftover stock in my possession is either being sold locally or given away. I have no more time for that hustle.

I have a new sense of purpose, loves. A renewed sense of being.

... and it's all falling into place. Wish me well.

M.